Getting to know you

I’m an individual that trades on the belief that all of us want to be better than the version of ourselves we are right now.

I want you to know that I’m not like the coaches you think you know. I’m not slim, pumped or chisel-jawed. I haven’t got life sorted out. I’m not itching to tell you my solutions. My teeth aren’t ‘Californian white’. I don’t go to the gym. I don’t wander around with a Bluetooth speaker jammed in my ear, or communicate with people via a ‘Madonna Mic‘.

I’m not your therapist. I’m not your counsellor. I hate buying smart shirts. I hate wearing two-piece suits even more.Thin leather shoes make me feel awkward. Corporate uniforms are a signal to conformity. Conformity is a sign that individual thought has been starved of vital oxygen.

What I am

In coaching terms that’s quite a lot of negatives. In coaching terms its important to say what one does, as is as opposed to what one isn’t. So …

All I am is a person who listens and asks questions. And I do that in order that you can develop your thinking.

I’m the best friend who does the thing your best friend won’t dare to do because they’re your best friend.

All we need is a little bit of space, time and challenge to make the biggest strides in our thinking. I provide all three. All you’ve got to do is turn up and engage.

An opportunity to mock

“So what do you do then?”

I get it a lot.

There’s an air of people not quite believing me. There’s a hint they want to hear something they can laugh at when I tell them. They’re looking for material to mock me with. It’s as though they want me to confess to some dubious childhood pastime still prevalent in my adult life, to admit that this is all smoke and mirrors and that I’m conning loads of people out of loads of money.

“I help people develop in their jobs,” I say to some.

“I deliver one-to-one training for people who are going places,” I say to others.

My present favourite is “I’m like having a meeting with your perfect line manager.”

(If you’re a coach reading that, that last one is my copyright – I’ve printed this blog post up and mailed it to myself. Just so we’re all clear.)

What’s so special about you?

There’s a phrase going around at the moment. “Anyone can call themselves a coach.” It’s true, they can. There’s no regulation. No formal membership like law or medicine. Anyone can.

The phrase is used by some to position themselves far away from the ‘charlatans’ (or ‘motivational speakers’ as friends of mine like to call them). Or even, in one real case I’ve had the misfortune of experiencing, as a rallying cry to other coaches in fear of missing out on paid work to encourage them to buy their way into yet another online directory.

How you describe yourself and how you style yourself is important to everyone it seems. Other people only seem able to make sense of labels or badges.

Personally, I’d rather they decided on whether they’d like to work with me based on the style of my thinking, the quality of my outlook, and the style of my communication.

But describe yourself as a ‘coach’ (as I often do) and the assumptions and perceptions nearly always unwittingly get in the way of any further communication.

That’s because of the connotations that surround the label. People assume that you’re someone who’ll help them with their diet or their gym regime. I’m neither. I don’t get especially get excited by raw veg or smoothies. I rarely set foot in a gym. I drink far too much wine. I rarely run (even though I have all the gear).

But just to confuse things even more for you, if what you want to achieve is a better diet, or a better gym regime, or drink less wine (why bother?), then I can help you with that a little.

I can help unpick why you want to achieve that, help you identify what’s stopping you from doing that already and what might stop you in the future, get you itemise the strategy you’d like to follow, and provide a level of accountability to make sure you deliver on that strategy.

All I’m saying is, I’m not going to tell you how to get a better diet or what your gym regime should be.

Confused? Don’t be. It’s a simple as this.

I’ll help identify the solutions you see as important … with anything. I just won’t tell you how to do it. Because that would be me being directive. I don’t do directive. Because those that have been directive with me, I’ve generally ignored. That strategy has paid off. I’m still alive. I’m also happy.

Coaching defined through the impact others have had on me

Here instead is the evidence for what coaching is, described through the people who coached me, the experiences I had being coached by them, and the impact they had on me. No second names, no pack drill, etc.

Treated me like an adult at the point in my professional life when I still felt like a teenager; generous; demonstrated an interest (at any hour), and engagement with, no matter how ill-informed I might have felt; gave permission to pursue my wildest ideas; encouraged me to take responsibility for my own ideas.

Ordered. Disciplined. Brilliant listener. Methodical. Introvert.

The woman from Barclays Bank
Ordered; hungry; process-driven; textbook; helped me identify my obsession with BBC buildings; discovered through coaching that I wanted to train as a coach.

Strong; defiant; witty; sharp; reassured me and gave me permission to be the coach I wanted to be.

Cheeky; fun; conspiratorial; strong; helped reaffirm the importance of process in writing; an amazing woman.

Methodical; process-driven; curious; experimental; lover of cocktails; helped me discover the factors within my control that could improve my relationship with my often challenging line-manager; amazing spirit

Spirited; fun; experienced in a range of things; experimental; instinctive; there at the point in time when I was taxiing down the runway of my new life; daring; nudged me into looking at the world through an ever so slightly different prism.

Quiet; focused; determined; helped me focus my attention on the qualities that make me highly-prized.

Jon Jacob is an ICF accredited leadership coach, mentor and team facilitator. Find out more about his professional background on LinkedIn.

Email him at or call him on 07768 864655.

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